It will come as a surprise to exactly no one reading this that I am in possession of a human infant. While this concept is rightfully frightening to anyone with an ounce of sense, my stewardship of said baby - commonly known as Oscar but known, in my heart of hearts, as Punchfist DANGER Incognito - is both legally and socially valid. In fact, it was surprisingly easy to find myself entrusted with an entire human being to raise: I didn't even need to take a test. I, in short, have a son.
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| Pictured here. Or...wait, no... |
